Jindagi Ka Safar

2011-01-06T12:57:00.000-08:00

Then and Now!
I recently happened to stumble by latest pictures of an actress, who was major superstar of her times.Unrecognisable, behind wrinkled skin,if I hadn't read the caption below her picture, I would never know that it was her.To say I was shocked would be an understatement. This graceful lady was unbelieveably beautiful in her hey-days.Couldn't help but wonder how tough it must be to be so beautiful and see that beauty dwindle with each passing day.Especially for someone ,whose face took her career to dizzying heights.There's beauty in those wrinkles, they talk of a life well lived,of a family raised,of knowledge.But in a world where we are too busy becoming clones of each other,does anyone really care?,So often I am judgemental about the need to look "eternally young" ,botox,lifts and such.Who can tell what must go on behind all that craziness!!!

2009-05-10T14:53:00.001-07:00

Often I am faced with a strong urge to turn back time. Go back a few years , to a moment in time that did not go exactly like I wanted it to and do things differently. Say something different, make an alternate choice.See through someone's deceitful charming exterior or embrace someone's apparent aloofness that shielded real concern.Be there for that loved one in their moment of grief, or make that first call to end a tussel.
Can we really say that we have lived a life of no regrets?I am not too sure.As the clocks tick and pages are turned on the calendar,I pick up on so many mistakes I made, which at that time seemed the absolute right thing to do.
That's when I realise the power of NOW. NOW is all I have. Yesterday is now just a memory, tomorrow is a hope , but today is what I have.All that I want to do, my heart's true desires have to be worked on NOW, because when the sun sets on the city skyline today will begin say to good bye and retire.

2008-11-16T19:01:00.000-08:00

While grocery shopping the other day ,I picked a jar of mango pickle at the local Indian grocery store. At lunch that day I happened to try a piece.Taste buds can spin their own magic, cause as soon as I had placed the first piece in my mouth, a million memories flooded my mind...

A lazy Sunday afternoon at my home back in India.It is lunch time and my mother has asked me to fetch some home made pickle from the large poreclain jar we store under the stair case.I find the jar,it is white with a brown base.The lid is brown and is covered with piece of cloth,held in place with a cord. It has been in the house ever since I remember.I untie the cord and remember to use a dry spoon to remove some pickle that is safe under a layer of oil.Just looking at it my mouth waters. Before the pickle reaches the kitchen, I quickly pop a piece into my mouth...That taste,will always be special. Home made pickle,made painstakinly each spring by my Mom. She would carefully shop for raw mangoes and pay the vendor extra to have them cut into the right shape. Without measuring spoons and recipe books my Mom,would manage to make pickle that tasted just like the previous years batch. Summers brought with them opportunity for more home made delicacies.Papad,potato wafers ,dried stuffed chillies.

As the years pass, packaged and ready made pickles have made their way to more and more kitchens, mine included.Unfortunately I never learnt to make them...I might never be able to pass this knowledge, this tradition to the next generation.I do not knit, sew, embroider, things that kept my mom busy on many an afternoon.

As malls jostle for space, and as the market is ready to serve you with all you need as long you are ready to shell out a few bucks, I wonder if these arts are dying out with our generation.. Will our kids have fewer "home made" things than we did.Wouldn't it be sad that their taste buds would remind them of a store and not home...

2008-08-24T14:42:00.000-07:00

Recently ,a good friend died tragically.The reality of the incident took a lot of time to set in.To fathom the loss ,will take much longer.Our minds are tuned to think of tragedy ,as something that strikes elsewhere. Someone else's loved ones die in bomb blasts, someone we don't know dies in a plane crash. Quick breaking news on television and the world moves on.When tragedy strikes close to you though or to someone you care, the eventual and inescapable mortality of our existence makes it self apparent.

Gone, no more. No more phone calls from this person. The contact number that you had on your cell phone will no longer be picked by anyone.Mails will never be replied.This person in flesh and blood, that you knew ,laughed with , fought with is nowhere around. You could search all you want, scan the world a million times, but return empty. the feeling is crushing.

It makes you want to lead your own life differently. To be kinder, more compassionate, more willing to listen,more willing to give, ready to say those sorrys.A need to leave a impact,make a change do whatever you can to leave a better place behind.

2008-07-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

Forgive and forget.

An idea that I have struggled with ,quite often. Forget..it’s doable..one would imagine.When someone wrongs you , over time, the pain of being wronged does not bite you each day. In the mundane grind of life ,the memory almost becomes dormant.You may not want to move on, but life does.. and you do too ..with it. But whenever that distant memory flashes back, the pain you feel , the tears that roll down,are still as real as before.

So,the question is .. have you really forgotten?

Forgiveness on the other hand ,is something I cannot seem to comprehend. The image of the person who hurt you, wronged you, changes in your mind for ever. Outwardly we might pretend ,but deep within we know that the he or she is not the same person to us any longer. We exercise caution with that person, we do not trust them and we really never forgive.

What’s done is done. Nothing can reverse it. We never forget it, and I think we never forgive. We initially struggle and then adjust to the fact that we judged someone wrongly, placed trust in the wrong person.We learn.

Is learning ,then, like forgiving? Does it symbolize our effort to move on and take something away, change a part of us, from that experience of being wronged. I will strive for these answers always.

2008-06-30T19:25:00.000-07:00

Often while going through some really old snaps,I am left terribly embarrassed.First thought that comes to my mind.."What the hell was I thinking, what's with that gawky smile, those bushy undone eyebrows,those square shoulder padded ,puff sleeved dresses!" Din't I have any fashion sense!

And then sometimes I wonder," What if ,what I wore, or the way I was, was really the way to be at that time. Even if it seems atrocious now, what if, at that time it all made perfect sense."

I am tempted to draw analogies with decisions one makes in life.Often there are times when I am frustrated over the fact that somoeone's " not getting" my point.I wince ,and wonder why the person cannot see that what he or she is doing is so obviously wrong.What's clogging this person's rationale!

The truth is that not many people take wrong decisions knowing that they are wrong.They take them because for that moment ,under those circumstances ,making that decision makes sense to them, seems right to them.Be it the terrible relations that they do not give up on,habits like smoking that they don't kick, negative attitude's that they seem to harbour..all of these register and make sense to the individual at some level.

When the years have rolled by the same person looks back and is left aghast at the decisions he or she once made.One wonders" What the hell was I thinking".When faced with a very bad day, I often try this. To think of the situation in third person and wonder how I will feel about this day, 5 years from now. The burden is reduced by half the moment I do this.

5 years from now, I might wince at this terribly philosphical blog, but hey, right now it is making a lot of sense to write this.

2008-06-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

Often I have met the rebel.Those who defy rules,live life on their terms.Touting that it

takes courage to live that way.Does it?I have often thought quite the

opposite.Living life on terms others laid for you,in my opinion is far more courageous.

To agree to live by social norms is courageous.Growing up it takes courage to stay course,to believe that the at the end of unglamourous well trodden path,their dreams are waiting for them.

As an adult it takes character and courage to commit to your life partner. Does infidelity need courage?

It takes courage to remain honest at the job when the "rebels" all around are making a quick buck by dishonest means.

It takes courage to have kids and be their caretaker, when the way out is so easy.

Simple boring things, courgeous?

2008-05-29T18:26:00.000-07:00

Water has always enchanted me.Quite oddly it also scares me.I feel drawn towards the sea ,awed by it's magnificence, belittled by it's expanse. The peaceful sound of waves has always managed to calm the storm brewing inside me.I think of the sea as a different world, with different rules ,where nature overpowers everything.

It is mystical,magical.Essential in sustaining life,water possess the power to take it all away in one sweep of a tidal wave.Matter, caught in a vicious circle, rise to clouds,pour down as a torrent,seep through the soil, make a journey to unite with the sea, only to rise again.

Many years back I had a close encounter with the ferocity of water.A few friends and I held hands to form a chain and ventured into sea. The water was about chest deep.Out of nowhere this huge wave came crashing at us.I panicked at the sight of this wave and broke the chain.The wave lashed at us.I stumbled.Those were the worst few minutes of my life.One is caught offguard by the energy of the wave. While stumbling ,almost by reflex action one tries to find something to hold on,and you find nothing but water.

You try to prevent youself from falling while water has gone into your ears, nose , mouth. You can't breathe and you feel," This is it,I am dying". The body is confused because it's in completely unfamiliar territory.

Fortunately for me the once the wave broke down, I was able to get steady and get out of the water.

I may never have the courage to venture deep into the water ever again.

2008-04-29T19:19:00.001-07:00

" The hearts deepest and purest desires are always fulfilled" ..Midway through "My experiments with truth" the autobiography of Gandhiji,this statement made me pause for a moment and reflect.Another feel good quote , or the truth, I wondered.

I cannot comprehend what a pure desire could be.Could it be materialistic? Could a desire that benefits none other than oneself be pure. Deep may be ,but pure?To serve the poor , a seemingly pure desire. But is it?

I have often looked at altruistic deeds with a certain level of skepticism.Unbelievable, ain't it! I have often wondered if these deeds are done in response to hidden elitist tendencies. A need to reassure oneself that one is morally on higher grounds.

Climbing the steps of many a temple, I have seen decorative tablets, with names of donors engraved with the best calligraphy.A reasonable expectation on the part of the donor ,right? I agree.
I think the act of giving counts, and not the purity of the desire.

Is man then really capable of a pure desire? Will I know the answer to this in this lifetime?

2008-04-27T18:53:00.000-07:00

A shuttle service ports me from the train station to work each day. Mike the driver a retired public servant, does this job "to keep himself busy" as he says. You can tell that's true. He often has stories of his weekend excursions, skiing, golf ,camping.

The bus stops at a railway crossing each day, much to my chagrin.

The other day ,the gates at the crossing had just been lifted and Mike was about to get going when suddenly a man darted in front of the bus, and crossed to the other side.
Shabby clothes, with a slight limp, he seemed delusional. I assumed he was trying to get to the homeless shelter on the other side, where free coffee and doughnuts are served each morning.

"That kid went with me to school", Mike mentioned casually. I glanced in disbelief one more time at the fellow who had just crossed over.

Two people, two lives and such different outcomes.

Often my arrogance, makes me dispassionate towards such people. I have always believed that life is about decisions and hard work. It is beyond me to believe that over thirty years life never provided a single opportunity to this guy. I have immense respect for those who will use their hands to mould their future. The window washer, the `housekeeper, the lady at the laundromat, the fellow who drives the garbage van, the snow plougher. I would give willingly, to a charity for children, animals or even nature. They have no say , no control over their circumstances. They are often victims of the decisions of others.

I hope someday, I find greater compassion.

2007-11-27T10:08:00.000-08:00

Another summer went by, the autumn breeze has left leaves all around. Beautiful orange hues have given way to the mature browns, and another winter has arrived.Bump into an old friend and they exclaim" Time flies!!" I love how nature's patterns repeat themselves.In a very strange way it is reassuring. A promise that after the frigid snow melts away, tiny blossoms will find a new life in the spring.Sometimes monotony, routine, can be so blissful.Often strive at being "different" yet wanting the cushion of familiarity ,to fall back on.A certain taste, smell, sound , vision that reminds you of a day when it was all ...so simple

2006-11-11T19:03:00.000-08:00

Nanhi Paree

In my engineering college days, I travelled each day to college in the second class compartment of the Pune-Lonavala local train.Anyone who has had the "opportunity" of this travel will confirm, that this servic shares nothing in common with its Mumbai counterpart other than it's colour!With only one train running every hour,getting a place by the window was possible only if you had come way too early than the departure time of the train and were lucky to find the local train waiting at the platform.

On one such really hot summers day I got lucky .I settled down in my seat by the window ,tried to switch on the ceiling fan,but it would not co-operate.Started fanning myself with a newspaper and noticed the family sitting opposite to my seat. The lady seemed to be quite poor.There was a boy ,I guess he was her son,about 7 years of age and a girl in a shabby frock ,about 4 years old,her daughter.

Each summer ,some vendors sell cucumbers,peeled,split in four with a dash of pepper and salt ,usually for a rupee,on the railway station.It is a welcome treat in the sultry weather.One such vendor passed by.The boy began to pester his Mom to get one of them.The girl joined in too.The lady looked into her purse and then asked the vendor to give two cucumbers.She handed him the money. The vendor gave one of the cucumbers to the boy and the other one to the girl.

The boy ,overjoyed ,immediately began to eat his cucumber.The girl however waited a while.She looked at her cucumber and his, and then realised her Mom had nothing to eat.That small face was deep in thought for a moment.The next moment she split the cucumber equally and handed it to her mom.Her mom took the two pieces and ate them,the girl ate her share

Not a word was spoken.

I kept thinking about that girl.She was younger than the boy.While he ate his treat unaware if his Mom had any ,the girl did not hesitate to give away a portion of her share.It is not like I blame the boy.Poor thing was a small kid and I dont hold it against him that he did not think of his mom, but that moment made me think are girls born with this trait of giving? Or is it learnt?Who taught us this?Is it society?Is it conditions?The lady would have wanted something for herself but she felt spending on herself was not in her budget.

What happened that day is the a reflection of many Indian homes in many ways.The woman gives...and gives all her life.Deciding to not give is not considered womanly enough.

I often think of that girl.She may be about 8 or 9 now.Did good things happen to her?Or did she keep giving?Did she get a childhood?Did she get schooling?

Most importantly did her Mom treat her as well as she might have treated her boy?Or did she keep expecting /teaching her girl child to give away her share.

2006-11-06T13:04:00.000-08:00

Someone,For me.

I ventured out of my parents home only when I got my first job.My Dad came along with me to "settle me down" in a new city and he had to return home after he was satisfied that I had with me, all that I needed.I remember that moment vividly.Tears brimming in our eyes,but both of us not wanting to cry, he went down the stairs from my apartment.I shut the door and ran to watch him ,through the window as he walked down a busy market street.My eyes followed him till he disappeared in the crowd.

It took that moment ,for me to know what he means to me.Being able to call one among the million faces ,yours, is the most blissfull thing.

I travel often and on my return to my home I look forward to the moment when you come out of the airport and in the swarm of faces you search your own,loved one.That is the best medicine for the jetlag,the tired feet and the drained senses.I have found instant energy in the warm hug of my dear ones.I have seen children run ,jumping in their dad's arms with squeals of joy!On that note ,have you ever seen a kid not jumping,not excited.They are just so energetic.

And then I reflect on those who have no one.No one to give a warm hug,no one happy that you returned,no one looking forward to being with you again.How terrible must that be!!Loneliness can be so painful.I pray for such people.I pray they find someone who can become their caring friend,family.

Also I reflect on those that have a family and take this luxury for granted.Companionship is a lovely gift.Cherish it like Gold.

2006-10-24T05:56:00.000-07:00

Ek Omkar Satnam

As a kid I was brought up to never question rituals, prayer or God.They were an integral part of my upbringing and I must admit that at times I simply followed them because I was told to.Over the years the faith has remained the same, but I am still in search of the reason behind the belief, or why I was brought up this way.

As I wade through this fog,sometimes I feel the answers are becomming clear with each day.I have begun to believe that prayer was taught to me as a method of learning self-control,moderation and discipline.Even to this day I do not believe that there is a city of Gods in Heaven,where God exists in a definite physical form.I believe God is all the positive energy in this world put to-gether.

When I think of fasting,reciting Mantras,or performing rituals in a disciplined fashion I can only applaud the fore-sight of our fore-fathers.By telling us that all the above would lead to material benefits they first got us interested in religion.When one fasts,one learns self-control.When the stomach is growling and all the best foods are at and arms distance it takes more that self control to look away.If we are able to control this desire for just a few hours I think it is the first step towards a better life.

Life is tricky ,and most often it brings us to a forked road,one that will take us through a dizzying journey where pitfalls are plenty,easy money,compromised integrity,cheating on a loved one.The desire to take this road is strong.
The other road is difficult.Gains are minimal and too much self-restraint is required.At such times only the mind that is tutored to have self-restraint can make a good choice.

I am not fanatically religious.But yet believe that prayer can play a key role in moulding the character of a person.One is never born with a pre-defined character.Like any other physical feature it needs maintainance.For me Prayer is that maintenance.Ofcourse ,I would be foolish to expect all to feel the same way ,as everyone is different ,and what works for me may not work for another.

Many people believe prayer is a way of searching God,or reaching him.I think prayer is a way of searching oneself.

2006-10-16T05:38:00.000-07:00

Mirror Mirror on the Wall,

On a bus journey a long time back,I happened to sit next to a African-American lady.We got talking.She was extremely cordial,had migrated to US from Britian,and was working as a private nurse.Somehow the discussion went in the direction of discrimination on basis of color and she narrated a experience she had.She was looking after some elderly white lady.The day of 9/11 as news spread ,her white client became agitated and when her nurse was in the room shouted loudly" Send them all back to Africa"!!!

When I heard this, I felt extremely sad! Imagine the utter arrogance of the lady to say such harshful words to a person who is caring for her!

I have tried to understand discrimination on basis of color,but have failed to, largely because it is baseless. What is color? A few melanin cells fewer or more in the upper layer of the skin! And what makes people think they are superior if they have fewer of those cells!How utterly disgusting is that!

The fascination with being fair is very much a part of the Indian pysche and some will go to any extent to be a few shades fairer.This gives rise to such gross ads like the Fair and Lovely one, in which a groom-to-be rejects a girls since she is dark and immediately accepts her as soon as she is a few shades lighter, much to the delight of the girl.If I had a say, such a husband is not worth having.But thats the kind of values we are selling to the future generation. When it comes to marriage in India, I have noticed on many occasions all other values take a back seat over color.

Being comfortable in your God-given natural color is very important.It is a different thing that though we may be comfortable and sometimes society makes one cognizant of this difference.There is so much more to ones personality than ones color.A lovely smile,a warm heart,self-belief are qualities that are much more worthy.

I will tell this to my kids ,Will you?

2006-10-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

Kya Jeena Isi ka Naam hai?

This past Sunday ,heard a sad news when I called home.Our neighbour for the past 25 years ,expired..May his soul always rest in peace.

My parents were reluctant to break the news to me,as I was the closest to Uncleji.But I pestered them.Was shocked,distressed and heart broken.This person was the kindest,most honest and hardworking man I have ever known.He had been friends with my Dad for close to 35 years.They went together to office each day untill they retired....My dad lost his best friend.

Some people are destined to live a life full of hardships. They have very few needs and yet life makes them work hard for even that.He would get up very early,clean their courtyard,pray and do so many houehold chores.He was constantly on the go, constantly active.

Each day he would share whatever flowers he had with him with us for the prayer.I remember so many days in times of some emergency, we could just knock on his door at any hour of the day or night and he would not mind.He taught me to drive a scooter( I was too scared to learn from my Dad)

Each year we looked forward to the time of Ganesh festival.They would bring Lord Ganesh home and we kids would be yelling "Ganapati Bappa Morya" as he walked with the idol into their home.

Times changed, we grew up and started moving out of home for work purposes and my contact with him was reduced.But each time I visited home I would find him smiling inquiring kindly about how I was doing.

Retirement brought some financial troubles for him.So he started working again at someplace else for a small salary.I had seen signs of a deteriorating health then. The fair skin and good built gave way for a frail structure.He was constantly worried about some thing.His son was involved in some fraud and had a lot of money to be repaid.On many occasions he poured out his heart in front of my Dad.

People in India are obssessed with sons.Quite an irony that his son was the cause of so much mental stress to him

He passed away after a disease.Quite in keeping with his nature, he worked even the day before he was admitted to the hospital.An operation was tried ,which did not work.

The night I came to know, images of him flashed through my mind. In all of them he was his usual self,smiling.I am grateful that he could bless me after my wedding.

Uncleji,I really hope your soul rests in peace.You deserved much more than what life dished out to you.I will remember you often.Please continue to Bless me the way you always did.

2006-09-20T10:06:00.000-07:00

Baghban

The other day ,I saw a sparrow on a lamp post that is visible from my bedroom window.It had just rained and the wet bird was vigorously shaking itself to dry itself off. Before long some wonderful childhood memories were rekindled.My home back in India is a very simple place.Cosy,warm and welcoming.We had a large backyard and a small courtyard. The trees attracted a lot of birds.

Inside the home, there were these huge photoframes of Gandhiji,Nehruji and my dadaji hanging on the wall.These days we dont get to see such photoframes in a home,but back then, when I was kid ,it was common. The frames were hung such that there was a space between it and wall.

For years together, sparrows would make nests in that space.Each year my Mom would say that she is not going to let them make a nest and each year her kind soul never allowed her to pull out the little twigs the birds had fetched with so much pain.
So much so,that when the birds were around we did not dare to use the fan for fear of hurting them

Then one day suddenly there would be twittering noises , more than the normal and we kids knew that Mrs Sparrow was a proud mom.That time coincided with our summer vacations.We eagerly watched the parents fetch food for the babies.I would want to climb up and see the babies ,but my Mom would tell me fearful stories that if I did so the parents would never return and the babies would starve to death.I never had the heart to risk that happening and would wait patiently.

Then one day little baby sparrows would be all over our house.On the tube lights , on the picture frames , just about everywhere. They would be unsteady and not wanting to venture out or try to fly , but the parents would be repeatedly pushing them.

This was the most stressful part for me.I would want them to just learn quickly and just fly ,lest the neighbours cat decided to have them for the lunch.I have always nursed a hatred for cats.I always saw them as sly ,heartless thieves!I would be following the babies wherever then went ,praying to God that he helps them. I would forget about food or play or TV.

And then , by the afternoon when I would have almost lost hope, the little babies would fly to the highest tree in my garden, I would jump with joy and bid them farewell.I never knew how the sparrows found our home each year, whether they were the same as previous year or if a sparrow is able to find his own child when it grows up.

All I knew is that each year ,the sparrows painstakingly fetched twigs for their nest,fetched food for their young ones ,watched over them only to see them one day, fly high into the sky never to return.

Our parents care for us all their lives.They bring us to this world,feed us and protect us. Give the best of education.And then one day we fly out too,leaving them with moist eyes.I remember when there was no power my mom used to stay up all night fanning us with a newspaper so we could sleep.My dad got a TV in our home when I told him that I do not like to go to a neighbours place to see my favourite cartoon"SPIDER MAN"

I am indebted to my parents.I wish I am able to bring up my kids just the way my parents brought me up.

2006-09-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

Dulhan Banu Mein Teri,

Have been helping a loved one with her search for a life-mate and is turning to be quite an eyeopener for me.Not that I did not know about these nitty-gritties of arranged marriages but experiencing all of them from close quarters now.

The concept of arranged marriages seems quite daunting to me.Especially the kind of long distance fix-ups that are done these days.

As a kid I was always told that both girls and boys are equals. I lived with that utopian idealism for a surprisingly long time.Today this myth stands dispelled and the mind wonders how much has really changed in the marriage market?

A look at some matrimonial sites is all one need to get a reality check. Girls,with amazing educational qualifications,very good jobs, and well travelled and abundant today.They radiate so much confidence and sense of self pride.It is so heartening to see that the face of Indian women is changing exponentially.

But can we say that about the Indian males? The more I look at the expectations column of a male profile the more I feel that the Indian male is yet bound by the shackles of age-old beliefs.Almost as if most of them missed the train to liberal thinking.

Fair,Slim,Beautiful,Traditional,Good-house maker,educated and the list goes on.It is amazing how many men want a wife with educational qualifications like Engineers and CA's and then want them to be house makers.How just is that? Why care about the education? Is it just a prestige issue ,for talk at social and family gatherings?

I have also noticed a huge ego issue where a boy ,just because he is in the US thinks that his wife must be a replica of Aishwarya rai!After all,she is so "lucky" that she gets to come to US because of him! I am left shocked at their immaturity and lack of respect for the women folk.

I feel sad for girls who have to get pictures of themselves in the typical-matrimonial poses and even worse ,get them soft touched or brightened by a photographer.I mean all these girls armed with an MBA and all and then having to be treated as a object, must be terribly demeaning.

A friend of mine told me this horrific news that even today there is a concept of dowry in some communities.Infact depending upon the education of the guy the "rates" increase and a guy in US can get close to 50 lks in Dowry!!

How utterly shameful is this!!!!!Do guys feel ashamed of this or is it just another ego-booster to them?When will India be a place where a girl child is not a burden?Where the boy is not the king chosing the fairest among 50 photos? When will girls stand up for themselves? When will marriages happen more for love and less for security and society?

One can just wait!

2006-08-28T09:55:00.000-07:00

Parvarish.

A week back was on the subway, going to Boston downtown.

A family entered.Four kids and Parents.From their clothes they seemed not very well off.The Lady was gaudily dressed and had cheap cosmetics on.She was looking at other girls in the compartment, eyeing them head to toe. The little girl sitting close to her mom,starting asking her something about the number of stops till their destination or something about when they would reach there.She looked very sweet, her eyes were very inqusitive.Looking at all the advertisements in the compartment.She seemed attracted to colorful pictures.The lady did not answer her questions so the girl persisted. She asked again and again.After sometime the lady yelled at the girl"Shut your mouth!!!"

I was sitting on the bench opposite to them. I was aghast. The poor kid turned her face away.Her eyes almost brimming with tears, but she did not want anyone to see her crying to she looked away.

My heart cried out for her.I felt like getting up and giving the lady a sound mouthful.But I could not.I kept mute.

Made me think, so much is written about how wonderful the relation between a child and a parent is , how wonderful motherhood is,but there are so many people who just don't cope up with it.

What kind of the upbringing was that lady giving her kid? Why bother to raise kids if you are so overwhelmed with that act? Such scars in childhood go a long way in shaping the character of a person.Such kids grow up to be fragile and temperamental personalities.They are insecure.They are indifferent.

Unless they are lucky enough to find a role model in someone else,such kids have a troubled life and are vulnerable to a lot if illegal getaways that are so abundant in society.

Recently , the US Govt passed a bill that allows the sale of the morning after-pill ,over the counter.This is a pill that can be taken in the morning incase one has unprotected intercourse the night before and wants to avoid pregancy.It was available only by prescription earlier ,making it difficult to get.

If it is safe for the girls then I support this move.Instead of bringing kids into this world when you are not going to take care of them I would say ,avoid it as far as possible.

Such people would be doing a huge favour to themselves,the kids and society in general.

2006-08-11T11:18:00.000-07:00

Have been away for sometime.Travelled this time to Connecticut for a meeting.Travelling ,surprisingly ,always helps me to rewind a bit.To take stock and gather my thougths.
As I stare out of the window while travelling I cant help but notice other people on the road.The guy with a canoe or a dirt bike tied to his jeep and cruising away on a highway.A lady sitting with her kid on a park bench.The old man in a coffee shop sitting at the corner table,reading or gazing out.
When I look at such people I immediately see a stark difference between them and me,which is their control over their time and routine.
For years now I am bound to a routine, Monday to Friday, 9-5. A fixed schedule, bound to a office chair.So much so that small things like visiting a doctor or dentist during the weekday is a big change and I have to plan way in advance to do so.
And then there are these people, free ,walking ,driving doing things they love on a weeekday at 11.00 in the morning.I envy them, for what they have.I may have a lot in terms of security of a job and stable earning power but while I got this in one hand I gave away my freedom from the other.I just read somewhere that more and more people are taking work with them even on vacations.Being very practical and non-dreamy I think I made the politically right choice by chosing stability and routine over freedom. But sometimes the rebel deep down yearns for attention..

Life is always about decisions.

2006-07-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

These thoughts are from the days when I used to commute every weekend between Boston and Newyork.I would just wait till the clock smiled 5pm at me and I would run for a cab to take me to Newyork Penn station at 32nd St. I would take the Acela Express Amtrak train.The train is extremely comfortable ,luxurious( the ticket made a big hole in my pocket) and more importantly ..FAST.

I would settle down , have my ticket checked ,and then rush for the Pantry.

I am a fairly observant person.If I meet someone I can recall many days later what he or she wore ,what time it was and so on.I would look around the coach . I am always amazed by the number of people who ,no-sooner has their ticket been checked, would pull out their laptops and start typing furiously.

The other gadgets would be a Ipod ,dangling from their ears, their cell phone hands free set,and probably even a pager. These people would not look up from the laptops sometimes for more than a hour,completed engrossed in "WORK"

When I see such people, I get a huge complex.I feel I am not working hard enough.I am least interested in switching on a laptop and "working" during travel. The days work alone leaves my pea -sized brain so tired ,and combined with the rhythmic swaying of the train, I doze of almost immediately.Or days when I am not very sleepy, I just stare out of the windows looking at the awesome route. If you have not been on this route ,believe me, when the train passes through Connecticut, the breathking views and the slowly setting sun creates the most blissful environment you could be in.There are lovely rivers and houses with white picket fences , and boats and sea gulls.I travel that route so often,but I am never bored by it Each time seems equally memorable.

So I wonder ,do the people typing away at their laptops ,never notice this beauty?Or is it that we are all very WIRED UP these days? We work long hours and are accessible all the time via internet and cell phones.Shouldn't travel be a time to relax and let you mind rest?

How much more competitive are we gonna get?Shouldn't there be some personal time where you are not accessible and can devote your self to something other than work ? Or just to gain back the energies that are sapped away with long hours and stress?

The more I analyse how the careers of most of the people I know , are shaping the more I am concerned about what lies in the future.We need to step back a bit and understand that pursuit of perfection sometimes ends as an abuse of your own self.

At the end of the day it's just work and life is much more than.

2006-06-27T14:15:00.000-07:00

Messy Missy!!!!

Such times when I feel like digging a hole in the sand and burying my face in it ,come in abundance in my life. I lived my life in jealousy of people who display good qualities ,consistently.Like those who are always sure about which side of the debate they are on,like those who are always truthful, always punctual,always perfectly clean.I, for one, have dismally few good qualities and and for another,consistency comes to me with a lot of difficulty..

Each day when I take a subway,I watch in admiration ,ladies, dressed perfectly.Their hair done so well like they walked out of a salon.Their makeup all in the right place.They jewellery matching their clothes,and clothes that fit like the tailor stiched them up while they stood in the shop.And there I am , each day is a bad hair day,I go from deciding to let down my hair, to pinning it up in different stlyes and then back to letting them down, after 15 minutes of brushing and unsuccessful attempts at styling(?)

I NEVER find clothes that fit me right. WHY! the pants are always loose, and the tops are small.I keep the same pieces jewellery on for atleast 3 days and stick to the diamond stud or pearl..When I apply eyeliner I manage to touch it just seconds before it dries . In an attempt to wipe only the messed part I end up with a completely spread mascara, and a critical 10 minutes gone from the getting ready in the morning...Problem is that on some days I actually manage to look good, so there goes consistency...

I try to always keep important things safely.Sometimes I keep them so safe that I forget where they are.It's terrible to have to explain this to someone....I mean how do you put it " It's safe..it just that I dont know where!!"

I bang into revolving doors,fall while walking, I spill stuff on me right during the first sip.Just moments after we have left our home but are far enought to not want to go back, I get panic stricken about whether I left something ON.The iron, the light in front of God's idol , the stove ,the dryer etc ..My husband has learnt to pick up that look immediately.

Also, just when we want to go out I feel like looking for this last time whether I have my wallet and I start to dig in my bag, frantically only to find it somewhere else like in my pocket or something. All this while hubby dear looks on with that i'm-trying-to-hide-my-anger look.

I can never try a beauty product for the said 4 weeks.I get bored feel it is not working and move on.

I can never be angry for long.So no one takes me seriously.
When I see movies where some girl angered by something meticulously plans and destroys her enemy I feel, I can even be angry at something that long????

So you see, I am confused.I always would love to ask acquaintances as to what was their first impression of me was, and do they find me as contradictory to their intial image as I find myself?

2006-06-09T11:32:00.000-07:00

Abke Sawan Aise Barse!

I called my parents back home a few days back. In between I heard a huge thundering noise.Asked Mom what it was. She said " The Monsoons are here!!"

I recollect the early Monsoon days from school times, especially the first rain.Schools would just have started a new year.The day would be hot with not a leaf moving.Then by 4 o clock the clouds would start to arrive and suddenly it would get dark and the wind would start howling. Windows that were left open due to the heat would bang and some would even break..Birds started chirping loudly and all of a sudden the rains would start.

My mom would run out to bring the clothes that were yet on the line. A lovely smell of the parched earth satisying itself with God's water would fill the air.I would run out into the rain only to be followed by my Mom pulling me indoors.Oh it was lovely!!!!!!!!!!!!

Once the first rains were over everything would look washed and fresh, leaves on trees , automobiles left outside and ofcourse my mom's papad:)))

My unsuspecting Dad would get wet on the way back from office and would have hot pakode in his hands while coming home.

Mom made tea and we ate pakode and chai..

The monsoons would begin in full swing. Our clothes would not dry and mom would have a clothes line right in the living room!!!:)) So when you open the door you got someones shirt in your face:)) I used to fight and tell Mom to remove it!

Canvas shoes when washed on a Friday would yet be wet on a Monday morning and I would hate to wear cold shoes to school.

The umbrellas and rain coats used to occupy the only open space in my classroom.

Small puddles would form everywhere and you saw tadpoles jumping everywhere.

My Siblings and me took turns falling ill all throughout the monsoon:)) and also took turns losing umbrellas.Through all those woes we kids would be giggling.The sighting of the occasional rainbow meant the world to us.

Oh I miss those golden days..where did they go??

India ki barish alag hai...America mein woh baat kahan!

2006-05-26T07:21:00.000-07:00

It's about time!!

Have been quite upset about the reservation issue, so I decided to change my line of thought and think of something else to write. Being critical is hep these days, so I have chosen my next victim:
THE INDIAN SOFTWARE ENGINEER IN US+ Families!!!

The mind is muddled right now and can't think where to begin to criticise this species. My current client is in downtown Manhattan, Wall Street where I get to see a glimpse of these people more than I want to and I don't know where to look. Dont get me wrong, I am an extremely patriotic person and hence I feel ashamed when these guys portray the wrong image of Indians.Their faults?? Let me start, well from the beginning.

Anyone would agree that when you are in a foreign country one must behave in an manner that upholds the image of your fraternity. But no,

1.They wear sneakers to office !!!!on Wall street!!!, a place where if you want to be casual it's okay to leave out the tie. Get the idea guys!! Sneakers are for jogging!!! Leave them home

2.They stare, stare and stare more. If you are a desi girl and have taken the subway from New Jersey to New York you know what I am talking off. They will be in groups always, and talk loudly in the subway.

3.They will talk loudly in their vernacular language from office phones to their family in India. While the client pays them to work, they will calling each other about the cheap deals going on for electronics on the net, or cheap calling cards that they found, about the latest girl that he is talking to on shaadi.com!!!!Its obnoxious. I had a client who complained that a consultant was always on the phone.

4.They will work late,Wait till 7.30 in the office to portray an image that they are working hard. Ofcourse, you have to wait till late if you wasted office time.

5.They will go to the pantry for coffee, spill milk, or sugar on the platform and not be courteous enough to clean.

6.They talk more listen less. An exasperated user was trying to explain a bug in an application to one of them in front of me. He just would not listen.Went rambling in his accented English in an I-KNOW-IT-ALL kind of way. Their diction is terrible at times.They dont invest time on preparation for meetings and rely on pure (in this case non-existent) genius to see them through meetings where the client asks tough questions

7.I was in a departmental store the other day and was waiting for a desi to move from the shelf of protein bars so i could pick up mine. It was unbelievable. The desi and his wife were putting their hands in all the boxes ,mixing everything and trying to chose as if they were sorting vegetables!!!

Anyone reading this might think how much I hate these people. Well no, I hate the fact that because of their behaviour clients end up thinking that all Indians are like that, Mis-behaved , Bad -communicators, and mis-fits in a modern society

We are a brilliant set of people, but such obnoxious behaviour makes an outsider put us in the same category of people who jump fences and come in the US.

What does it take to wear a simple clean ,ironed shirt and put on some deo???. It does not have to be fancy.

Of course not all are like that, and some of the people are really good and I am proud of them.

You are an ambassador of your country, so please portray a good image..It's about time

2006-05-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

With Love, To Mom.

Happened to be walking down a nearby street on a sunny afternoon.Was passing by hair/beauty salon when the door suddenly opened and a flustered teenager came out followed by a worried middle-aged women . The lady said to her daughter," If you keep trying these things you wont have any hair left". The girl looked back and yelled loudly "JUST SHUT UP MOM".

Both of them got into a parked car and were soon out of sight .Just before she got in the car , the lady looked back and for brief moment her eyes met mine.Those eyes had pain,worry,embarrasment and so many other emotions. I personally was very upset with that sight.

Obviously, the lady was trying to dissuade her daughter from using some cosmetic like color or something on her hair .She cared for her daughter and wanted her not to spoil her hair with cosmetics and the daughter took it as "Mommy telling me what to do".

I always believed that what we are ,is a reflection of how our parents brought us up. But is it true? Whenever I meet a person who is nasty or difficult I have invariably wished to see his/her family background. If the girl lashed out at her Mom in public ,did it really reflect a bad upbringing ? Whats the age when we start having a personality,a identity that's beyond what was taught to us? Really dont know.

For me , whatever I am today is because of my Mom.She has the most loving heart ,the most warm hug, and most sensitive touch in the whole world.She sacrificed a lot for us. Her health,her wishes. She made the right decisions for us, guided us on the right path.She is well-read, open-minded and way ahead of her times.
Today after marriage and managing a home of my own, I am just in awe of her energies with which she took care of the house.I don't think I am even half as good as her at it!!

I can't thank her enough for bringing me up the right way. To teach me to be respectful of people, and learn to give before expecting something in return.

From seeing her on a daily basis , I will now see her only once a year maybe when I visit India. But even today I can close my eyes and just feel her prescence near me.I instantly feel happy and content when I talk to her over the phone.She is the BEST and I love her.

2006-05-05T10:39:00.000-07:00

Is the answer elsewhere?

With so much talk about $3 gas, oil rich countries blackmailing others, nucelar energy, terrrorism and the "War on Terrorism" one obviously begins to question whether there is a solution at all to these issues. Diplomacy,talks ,treaties and more talks. But no tangible results in sight...Countries sign agreements ,and as soon as the political equlibrium changes ,they themselves openly defy these very agreements .I always look at treaties as feel-good, small term quick fixes. I never believe that they will always be honoured. Frankly ,the answer I believe lies elsewhere...Good old Science and engineering

Energy will always be the driving force for world politics.All middleastern countries that harbour terrrosits do so just because they deem themselves as indispensable due to the world's dependence on them for oil.Untill this dominance and monopoly remains they will continue to dictate terms to the rest of world.It's like having a hen that lays golden eggs.

Considering this, and the harm that usuage of fossil fuel does to the environment, we need to push the accelerator on our efforts for alternate sources of energy.We no longer can afford to remain in the clutches of crude oil. I know it's easier said than done but it's looks like the long term, one-size-fits-all solution to many many problems.

When we drive down freeways here, I am appalled at seeing what I call the 1 person-1 car phenomenon.Think about this. Even if half the people decide to ride with someone else, the traffic would be cut by half, the fuel consumption cut by half and the ride would be enjoyable with company. Carpooling to work, or just taking public transport is feasible if you care enough to try.This obsession with a private life,dont know me- dont talk to me-leave me alone life does harm to not only oneself but has a radical effects on society and our future.

I look at my energy bill which is inflated due to a not-so-effcient dryer, and I wish I could just dry my clothes on a line as in India. Use the solar energy,It's free, no Bills cause no one owns the SUN!! Or atleast as yet!!!!

Small things count. But we specialise in looking the other way....I am sure if the money used by all the govts for defence was spent in research for alternate energy sources , we would have been far better off than we are now..

2006-03-25T13:09:00.000-08:00

They are Watching....

Where to ? Miss?"
"To the stars "...she said
A question always bugged my mind as a kid. Are extra-terristrials a possiblity? A inane thirst for fantasy and thrill made me a avid reader of this topic..On a starry night , when i look up at the skies , I feel someone's out there. Waiting ,watching...

I feel bellitled.That the earth is a miniscule speck of this fascinating universe makes me wonder about man's conceit, his arrogance about knowledge and technology.

I belong to that sect of people, who believe that one day "they" will come back to earth.They were here before, they left with a promise to return, and they will keep their promise.

They've been watching over us, monitored our foray in the world of science,seen us use the first atmoic bomb,seen us kill each other for religion or for land ,trying to prove our supremacy over each other..and may be the "Gods are laughing".

They may have wanted to see a green earth, rich in flora and fauna, a balanced eco-system. Like a beautiful painting that took millions of years to evolve. The painting went awry.It' s stands eroded of millions of acres of tropical forests, millions of extinct species and many more endangered.

No artist likes a creation that did not turn out the way he wanted.

Before the end comes, they will come here. They will tell us what they wanted , and where we went wrong...everything will end ...there will be silence and they'll start working all over again..

Go out to night and look at the skies, may be you will see them smile!

2006-03-10T07:27:00.000-08:00

Wake up please-II

Thank you for all your comments, they got me thinking.Freewill and freedom to express are such a gift.Tried to absorb what was said and the mind became restless again.I think I take exception to one line of thought that is very visible in the comments.I have strong views against the act of generalizing. By that I mean rubber-stamping a community with a image that we have built in our minds.Have we tried to analyse that who sowed the seeds of hatred in the minds of a few Hindus and Muslims? How do we know that all Muslims are bad and all Hindus are good or vice versa?
I knew of a Marwadi friend of mine who used to be hurt when people used to use the word " Marwadi" to make fun of someone who is stingy. He would go furious and wonder how people can generalise in this fashion.This is just a very small example but it shows that we cannot classify a particular community as per our pre-concieved ideas.

Secondly, in any relationship, be it between two people or two communities, one can never go back in time and change the doings of the past."Moving on" always involves both parties forgiving each other and working in cohesion for a better tomorrow.I must confess that I am not well read on the history of Islam or it's teachings so had to do a quick research before I could comment.

In my post I had mentioned "....They interpreted their religion in a way that suited their vested interests and are forcing it on the masses..."

Looked up for the meaning of Jehad and here are a few excerpts

"Jehad today is a much maligned word, thanks to its misinterpretations by the Mullah Community and the indiscriminate ignorant projection by the media. Seen objectively, the Koranic concept of Jehad is not atrocious at all. The greater Jehad is to be directed against the evil tendencies within oneself, in order to purify and elevate oneself into the path of righteousness. The lesser Jehad is to take up cudgels on behalf of the tyrannised and oppressed Muslims. Several limitations have been prescribed in the religious texts on the use of the instrument of the lesser Jehad. For example it can be sanctioned only by the governing class. But today many others have usurped this right, creating wide misunderstandings and misplaced zeal."

"Muslim scholars explained there are five kinds of jihad fi sabilillah (struggle in the cause of God): jihad of the heart/soul (jihad bin nafs/qalb) , jihad by the tongue (jihad bil lisan), jihad by the pen/knowledge (jihad bil qalam/ilm), jihad by the hand (jihad bil yad), and jihad by the sword (jihad bis saif)"

"....the reader takes verses out of their context in order to pervert their meaning to suit his own whims and desires. Treating God's book in this manner is an act of great insolence. One who studies the Quran with this insolent attitude can never receive guidance from it."

I think it is quite clear that a few people build their religious beliefs based on what they are taught by the "Learned". My appeal was to go beyond these people, refuse to accept what they say and try to analyse for yourself the righteousness or purpose/gains of a deed.

Drawing parallels to the situation in Pakistan is like comparing apples to oranges.If a particular nation's pysche is disoriented and built on economic and political pressure then it has lost it's crediblity.

Again, why is being moderate or secular always equated to being political? It's my personal choice to respect each community.I have seen the Bombay riots very closely to understand that violence achieves nothing but death, fear and misery.Low income and middle class people lose their bread-winners.When people dont have food to eat then religion is the last thing on their mind.

My Dad's best friend all his life was a Muslim by the name Hussain. A amazingly humorous person who visited us each evening and who we kids adored and waited for.We visited their home on Ramzan-Id each year and sent sweets during Diwali and Ganesh festivalI never saw terrosits in them, never saw hatred for us or any Hindus. God forbid there are riots in my area and anything were to happen to them just becuase they were Muslims,I would be terribly heartbroken.

The point is that we need to accept the fact that there are scores of well-meaning Hussain uncles there and equal or more number of well-meaning Hindus in our society. Why should they suffer when they do not believe in this Hindu Muslim divide?So friends.."Packing Muslims away to Pakistan ..or beating them up like stray dogs " are words I would never bear for my beloved Hussain uncle..

If you truly understood Hinduism and it's principle of tolerance we would not be living such terror filled lives.All said and done ,each person has his own views and no one can force a idea under someone else's throat unless he/she believes in it..On that note friends..I repeat HUM SAB EK HAIN

for info: http://www.jammu-kashmir.com/insights/insight20000804a.html
http://www.saag.org/papers2/paper154.html

Wake Up Please

2006-03-08T14:16:00.000-08:00

Anguish and despair fill my heart , as I pen this blog. Not again, how many more and why!!The blasts in Varanasi made a sea of questions resurface in my baffled mind. The mind goes back to the riots in Mumbai in 92.Amidst all the vandalism, the uncertainty,the fear of what next some questions that kept coming to me. why this? what will they gain, what demon possessed these people to kill children and elders alike? What religion approves ,let alone teaches to kill? When one can't give life what right does one have to take it away?

As a kid it took me some time to understand that it is not a religion that is at fault but the certain people who consider themselves the custodians of it.They interpreted their religion in a way that suited their vested interests and are forcing it on the masses. The results are that they remain high up on a pedestal of human ignorance, safe and secure while commoners , brainwashed by these cynical bigots , are killed callously.Like their life was worthless, like they did not mean anything to anyone, just figures on statistical reports.

Fear paralyses us. When I heard of the blasts all I could think was ..Are my loved ones safe???. I have been to the famous Sankat Mochan Temple where the bomb exploded, I have taken the Shiv- Ganga express and I have got lost in the maze of the Gaudalia Market taking the cycle rickshaw. A sudden realisation that bomb blasts are no longer events that happen to other people in other cities rattled my brains.

When the community unites for a common cause ,miracles can be achieved. We all aware of power of unity.Why not invest this power in issues that are related to struggle to live?Poverty, uncleanliness,lack of social discipline are just few of the issues ..People and positive effort can go a long way in making a difference in these issues. But we continue to ignore these issues and create a negative energy with acts of violence.

Emotions look for a channel to be expressed.Fear transforms to anger and irrational thinking. This sentiment is what all politicians look to exploit.They glorify their deeds by saying they gave tit-for-tat.

I appeal to all my fellow Indians to refuse to be swayed by emotion and not indulge in mindless rioting or killing. None of this aids the healing process.If the energies of the each Indian find the right channel miracles will happen. Please live and let live
I pray that the souls of the dead rest in peace and may the Almighty forgive the vandals.
and always remember. HUM SAB EK HAIN